The Oddities of Pokémon
by DennyDeMon
Summary: A collection of one-shots about those confusing, frustrating and humerus times we've all experienced when playing Pokemon. Rated T for questionable language here and there. Now covers anime and manga. First four oneshots updated.
1. Immobilised By Love!

Pokémon. A fun, satisfying and sometimes rewarding pass time for many. Yet, there are times where you just have to scratch your head in confusion, stare blankly at the screen in bemusement or chuck your DS out the window. This is a collection of humerus, at least I hope so, one-shots all about the oddities of Pokémon games. More details in the authors notes at the bottom of the page.

* * *

Immobilised By Love!

Ethan had participated in many battles in his short career as a Pokémon trainer. Each battle seemed to bring about something different. Not necessarily new, because let's face it, there's only so many times you can ask your Pokémon to do some fancy attack, with pretty lights, flash effects and all before the novelty wears off. But certainly, the strategy used by the opposing trainer tended to alternate between the same strategies and being the fine, young and talented trainer who did not treat "How To Be A Pokémon Master by Ask Ketchum" as his bible, Ethan had a pretty good idea of how to counter them all.

Yet there was always those strategies that really got on your nerves no matter how many times you came up against them. There was being paralysed, which suddenly rendered your super fast Pokémon incapable of outpacing a Caterpie and simply breathing fire in it's face.

Then there was being confused, in which your Pokemon's flailing attempts to attack not only the opponent, but also itself is only funny to the opposing trainer. Admittedly, seeing one's Lanturn attempt to Thunderbolt itself would be pretty amusing. Inadvertently here, Ethan had stumbled upon a rather good strategy but, unfortunately, no one would really remember it in all the... confusion and frantic flailing of limbs.

But there was one that just topped them all. One that was just so infuriating you just wanted to go up and punt the enemy in the face because quite clearly no one else is going to do it for you. Who cares if you break your own Pokemon's heart?

Yes, that one most frustrating thing was infatuation.

Ethan was not a genius by any means, but he could not fathom how his Pokémon, expertly trained and exuding more macho-ness than a Machamp, could fall in love with a Jigglypuff in a middle of a fight.

If he knew the answer to that, then he would not be in this current situation during a battle against a trainer in one of the many routes in Johto.

"Come on Pidgeot, use Wing Attack!" Ethan cried out to the majestic flying-type but it was useless. His Pidgeot, raised from a pitiful Pidgey into a mighty fighter capable of toppling a Steelix, merely floated about the small pink puff-ball known as Jigglypuff, hearts for eyes and serenading the normal-type with his own rendition of some cheesy love song.

"Aww, isn't that sweet!" Ethan's opponent, a common day girl stereo-typed as a "lass", gushed, "Pidgeot is immobilised by love!"

"No he isn't! He's just lulling Jigglypuff into a false sense of security!" Ethan cried desperately, "Right, Pidgeot?"

Pidgeot paid no attention to Ethan's words. It nuzzled Jigglypuff affectionately. It was so adorable any spectators would coo at the sight, before promptly barfing. To her credit, Jigglypuff seemed pretty unperturbed by the fact that a creature at least five times its size was cuddling against it. She must have been in this situation a lot...

"Dammit Pidgeot, I command you to use Wing Attack!" the male trainer yelled, desperation slowly creeping into his voice. It was just so infuriatingly stupid!

Ethan's yell snapped the bird out of his stupor for a small moment, but once it caught sight of the small pink puff-ball winking at him, he had instantly fallen back in love again. He couldn't help it; she was just so cute!

By now, Ethan had developed several tick marks on his forehead. The lass giggled at his plight and smirked devilishly. Beating a strong Pidgeot would be a major feather in her cap!

"Use Pound, Jigglypuff!" she exclaimed with determination, motivated by the distracted bird. Jigglypuff, with her little stubby arms, bitch-slapped Pidgeot across the face with surprising force.

Of course, being such a high level the attack barely did anything damage-wise to Pidgeot. But it did seem to make Pidgeot love the normal-type even more, much to Ethan's chagrin.

"This is just getting ridiculous now!" Ethan cried, "I mean, why the hell would a Pidgeot love a Jigglypuff of all Pokémon? Hell, who would even love a Jigglypuff, possibly the most puntable Pokémon in existence?"

"Hey! I understand that maybe a Pidgeot loving a Jigglypuff is not the norm, but that last comment was just rude!" the lass pouted. What was so bad about Jigglypuff?

Sighing in aggravation, Ethan tried calling out to his Pidgeot again, "Look, buddy, could you please just Wing Attack the Jigglypuff? Our whole reputation is on the line here."

But still Pidgeot would not listen and opted to try... well, I'll leave it to your imagination. That was the last straw for Ethan.

"You know what? Screw this!" he shouted, "Pidgeot, return!"

Much to his dismay, Pidgeot was returned to its Pokeball. Ethan grumbled at the Pokeball and then stuffed it into his trouser pocket. He made a mental note to give him to a nurse somewhere, because something was evidently wrong with him.

"Wait, what're you doing? I thought this was just a one-on-one battle!" the lass exclaimed.

Ethan looked at her in confusion, "That's not how it works. You can use as many Pokémon as you like, as long as you don't have more than six."

"But-"

Ethan cut her off, "Go, Steelix!"

You can probably tell that Ethan wanted this Jigglypuff to suffer and suffer slowly. Hence, the steel-type seemed the perfect choice.

"Well that's fine then, because I know your weakness!" the lass proclaimed with a smirk.

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm the greatest trainer in Johto. I have no weaknesses!" Ethan said cockily.

"Is that so?" the lass questioned, smirk still present, "Jigglypuff, use Attract!"

"Wait, no!" Ethan wailed in despair. The tell-tale heart shaped eyes appeared and Steelix moved forward to enjoy the company of his love, "This is not happening. Not again! Why would a freaking Steelix want to make love to a Jigglypuff?"

"Ugh, would you stop your complaining?" the lass groaned, "Just use a Red Flute!"

Ethan stopped and blinked. He looked through his backpack and saw that he did, in fact, have a Red Flute lying there untouched since he picked it up a fair amount of time ago. He looked up at Steelix and then blinked again. There was silence for a good twenty seconds, before the sound of Ethan's hand colliding with his face reverberated around the area.

An inexperienced girl trainer who only owned a Jigglypuff knew the counter to the Attraction attack, while he, the supposed league champion, did not.

Greatest trainer in Johto indeed.

* * *

This little story here was inspired by my frustrating experience playing Pokémon Soul Silver. I was battling Erika's Bellossom with my Pidgeot and because of its ability, Pidgeot fell in love upon attacking it. For the next six turns at least, I was unable to attack due to being "immobilised by love". When I told someone about this, she dead-panned to me:

"Didn't you have a Red Flute?"

It was then that I realised I did have a Red Flute, and that in my fury I forgot that I could use it. Silly me.

* * *

**A/N: **So that was the first one-shot in this planned collection. I hope you enjoyed it, since I really did enjoy writing it. It'd be nice if you left a review and I very much appreciate constructive criticism. Also, if you have any ideas for a possible one-shot you want to share then please do not hesitate to do so. I have plenty of ideas myself but some outside ideas would not go a miss.


	2. I Hit, You Miss

I Hit, You Miss

As a young boy, Ethan always dreamt of owning strong Pokémon with ridiculously over-powered attacks. In fact it used to be his ideology when it came to battling; to overwhelm the opponent with raw power. No one really had the heart to tell him the massive flaws in this strategy and Ethan ended up learning the hard way. Those evil people. How could they make Ethan suffer like that?

It perhaps took the Johto trainer a bit too long to learn that if the attack does not hit, then it cannot do damage. As obvious as that sounded, it really was a detail that a lot of young trainers overlooked. During a battle where attacks from both sides were constantly missing, Ethan finally realised that consistently hitting the opponent with weaker attacks could do just as much damage as a powerful attack could in one hit.

Since then, the young trainer had made a conscious effort to teach his Pokémon as many accurate attacks as he could, whilst not sacrificing the power entirely. The result was that Ethan stormed his way to the Pokémon league, leaving behind a trail of confused trainers who could not work out why their super-duper-awesome attacks were not hitting. Truly, Ethan had stumbled upon a brilliant method of battling. Just like thousands of other trainers before him.

Of course, there was always those people who just wanted to prove you wrong. Those people would cling stubbornly to the old way; the tried, tested and trusted methods. Some preferred just to continue using the old methods and left it at that. Those were the sensible and logical people.

Then there were those who preferred to use the old methods but always looked to prove that their way was the best way. Their claims were arrogant. Their logic was flawed and their ignorant refusal to accept that maybe, just maybe, their way was not always right was irksome to put it mildly. Those people had no official categorisation, but they were commonly known to the general populous as the "dumb-arses". Or the "douches". Or "trolls", who live under bridges with their laptops. sporting a big banner that reads "I BE TROLLIN'". But I digress.

Ethan, being like any other teenager who spends his time prowling about on the internet and amusing themselves with various meme's, always took the time out to rebuttal those trolls.

It so happens that he found himself battling one of those trolls. And no, he was not swinging a sword around and giving off battle cries at regular intervals.

"Ha! My Blastoise will make short work of your Meganium!" a rather cocky trainer said. Ethan just stared.

"Yeah, sure...," he said, clearly not taking his opponent seriously. Sure, he had a pretty strong Pokémon but he had the advantage type wise and he had trained his Meganium so specifically well that ice attacks would not do much to it. "I'll start off. Use Sunny Day!"

With one move, the already bright sun become even brighter. The cocky trainer took little notice and ordered Blastoise to do the most powerful water-attack he knew.

"Blastoise, use Hydro Pump!"

Blastoise readied the two cannons poking out of his shell and then launched two large torrents of water at Meganium. The attack, while it was very powerful, was also slow when it moved through the air and thus Meganium had a good amount of time to dodge. Ethan knew this, of course, having experienced the wonderful inaccuracy of the move himself.

"Dodge it," he ordered calmly. Meganium tried to move out the way, but some mysterious force kept it in place. Yes, it had to be said that Meganium was not the most mobile of Pokémon out there but come on, how hard could it be to just side-step two agonisingly slow moving water torrents?

Meganium took the hit straight on. Thankfully, its own resistance to water and the sun being exceptionally strong meant that it did not take that much damage. Ethan, though, could not help but worry about the grimace of pain on his grass-types face.

Well, he was just being cautious really. This battle was about to end.

"Meganium, use Solar Beam!"

Meganium absorbed plentiful amounts of sunlight and then fired a luminous white beam from its mouth. The speed and power were amazing and the mere sight of it would make any Pokémon weak to grass-type attacks soil themselves. However, the cocky trainer did not look too worried. Neither did his Blastoise.

"Dodge it!"

Was this kid for real? Did he just tell his Blastoise to evade a Solar Beam? Unless something dubious was going on here, there was no way that a Blastoise could avoid such an attack.

Or so Ethan thought.

Blastoise used its vastly superior reflexes and agility to actually cartwheel away from Meganium's Solar Beam. There was a number of things wrong with this: firstly, Blastoise did not have very good reflexes and agility. Secondly, Blastoise could certainly not dodge an attack like Solar Beam. Thirdly, wasn't Solar Beam always dead certain to make contact?

Ethan gaped at the scene of aerobics in front of him. Many things escaped the realms of possibility in the Pokémon world but this topped them all.

"Use Hydro Pump again!"

In his stupor, Ethan forgot to give Meganium any orders and the grass-type, stupidly loyal and incapable of thinking on its own, took the attack straight on. With one final cry, Meganium fainted. Two Hydro Pumps were too much for it handle.

"I told you Blastoise would make short work out of Meganium!" the cocky trainer yelled, doing a happy dance that made him look more of a retard than Barry from Pokémon Diamond and Pearl.

Ethan was lost for words. By now, he would be throwing a fit about losing even though he pretty much had every advantage possible. This time, the situation was just too absurd.

"Solar Beam missed..." he managed to utter.

"Yeah, and?"

"Solar Beam has perfect accuracy. There's no way it can miss unless you decreased the accuracy of the attack or increased the evasiveness of your Pokémon! Which you didn't!"

"So, maybe you were just unlucky."

"And then Hydro Pump, which is not very accurate and has been severely weakened, lands perfectly twice and is enough to down a Meganium even though it has high defences!"

"And? Listen, you lost. Get over it." the cocky trainer smirked, "Power attacks are better than accurate attacks. That is why I won."

Knowing that he would not beat the troll unless he dropped himself to a level of complete idiocy, Ethan did the manly thing. He returned his Meganium, turned on his heel and walked away to find someone, preferably a moderator- I mean League Official, about the cheating ways of a certain Blastoise owning trainer.

* * *

This was inspired by my own experience whilst battling on Pokémon Soul Silver. It was a battle between my Meganium and some random dude's Blastoise. I started out with Sunny Day. He used Hydro Pump. It hit and I lost about half of my HP. I used Solar Beam and it missed. He used Hydro Pump and hit me again, knocking out my Meganium.

Now what's wrong with that, you may ask?

Sunny Day cuts the power of water-type attacks in half. Meganium is resistant to water-type attacks and so the power is even further decreased. Regardless of that, it took two Hydro Pumps to faint it. Hydro Pump has 80 accuracy, yet two hit consecutively. Granted, that is not so far-fetched but then this next bit is.

Solar Beam has 100 accuracy and thus has an incredibly high chance of hitting. But it missed. My Meganium's accuracy had not been decreased and Blastoise's evasiveness had not been increased, so how did Solar Beam miss? Why is it that a not very accurate attack managed to hit twice in succession, while my one very accurate attack missed?

You can probably tell that I was not best pleased about my incredible misfortune here.

* * *

**A/N: **Thank you kindly for the reviews. I'm glad to see that people have had a similar experience and can relate to that particular one shot. I hope you enjoyed this one as well which, by my own admission, probably is not as funny as the last one but surely an experience in which you can relate to.


	3. Guess What's In My Pokeball

Guess What's In My Pokeball

In the world of Pokémon, there were devices that existed for the sole purpose of capturing these weird and wonderful creatures. These devices were known as Pokéballs; spherical objects of red and white. Like with many things, the technology used in creating Pokéballs developed as society made more and more technological advances.

The Pokéball was once reminiscent of a wind-up toy. The size of an overly-sized orange – a pretty vague description I know – the Pokeball required winding up via a mechanism on its surface in order to generate enough power to call forth the creature from within. This was impractical; not only for the trainer but for the Pokémon as well. One scenario in particular was thrown about as support to this claim: imagine, one day, your life was in jeopardy and you needed to call forth your Pokémon for protection. You wouldn't be able to say "hang on a minute mate, I need to generate some power!". After all, life was not like a fighting cartoon where the villain lets the hero charge his power beyond the level of a certain four digit number and you wouldn't have time to go all "I have the power" on it.

Sensing that legal action could be taken against them due to the flaws in their product, the manufacturers of the Pokéball hid themselves away and worked tirelessly to create the new Pokéball.

This new Pokéball did not require winding-up to work. With their own seemingly limitless supply of power, the new ball could be used in an instant. But they did not stop there. They went further and created more advanced and more powerful variations, known as the Great Ball, the Ultra Ball and even the elusive Master Ball. But again, they did not stop there. In amongst fears from extreme Pokémon lovers everywhere, manufacturers came up with the idea to create Pokeballs that became stronger depending on whether or not certain conditions were met. For any Pokémon catching lover, the technology truly was revolutionary.

An example of such a Ball would be the Dusk Ball, designed for catching Pokémon in dark places. There was the Heavy Ball, designed to catch Pokémon of an extreme weight. There were even Balls deigned to catch Pokémon of a certain level, such as the Net Ball and, to a certain extent, the Level Ball.

There was perhaps one downside to those type of Pokéballs. Due to their nature of only being able to work effectively under certain conditions, the design of each Ball was unique in order for people to be able to distinguish them from each other. Many wondered how a bunch of pretty patterns could be so bad; other than the possibility of them being ugly and harmful to their retinas. But the average person did not think like the seasoned trainers did. It was inevitable that trainers would begin to memorise the design of each ball and subsequently recognise what type of Ball it was. If used correctly, knowing the designs off by heart meant that trainers were able to gain a competitive edge. They would be able to predict what sort of Pokémon the opposing trainer had. Ergo, they were able to plan in advanced.

Conversely, the more cunning trainers were able to use that to their own advantage.

Ethan was probably not the most cunning of trainers out there and really did not care what Pokéball he used to catch his Pokémon, just so long as he got them in the end. He didn't even want to catch a lot of Pokémon, because unlike those simulation games it was not possible to leave over a hundred Pokémon lying about unattended. It was also impossible for his local Professor to care for his hundred Pokémon and someone else's hundred Pokémon and so on. All that stuff the professors told new trainers about catching loads of Pokémon was, putting it bluntly, a load of bullshit.

Moving on, Ethan had found himself, inadvertently, in a battle where both strategies concerning the new Pokéballs were prevalent.

As both trainers readied their Pokéballs, Ethan's opponent, a common day Pokémon Nerd, suddenly grinned widely. He hopped up and down on the spot, doing some form of happy dance. Mind you, tt was not as good as the guy in the last chapter.

"What's with you?" Ethan questioned, thoroughly freaked by the act of jolliness.

"I know what Pokémon you're going to use, hehe!" the nerd gloated, adding the stereotypical nerdy laugh for good measure. Ethan unconsciously moved a step back. Nerds really were rather weird.

"Oh yeah? So what Pokémon will I send out?" the young trainer challenged.

"You're using a Lure Ball. So therefore, your Pokémon will be a water-type!" the nerd yelled with absolute confidence. In his mind, he was imagining an audience gasping in shock and saying things like "how did he know that?" and "wow that guy's incredible!". In reality, all he got was an incredulous stare from any passer-bys unfortunate enough to witness such a thing.

Ethan suddenly smirked. Inwardly, he was laughing. This nerd was in for a surprise.

"See for yourself," Ethan said. He threw the Lure Ball out to the field, "Go!"

The ball snapped open and from within, wrapped in a bright white light, emerged a long snake like creature. The nerd was barely able to contain his glee about the fact that he was right with his assumption. In his mind, the music from the "Who's That Pokémon?" segment from his favourite television series was playing.

"It's Gyarados!" the nerd exclaimed.

The bright white light surrounding the Pokémon dispersed, revealing its identity; a long, segmented, shiny body. A large head, with a huge mouth and a fairly evil looking grin...

"No, it's Steelix!" Ethan revealed.

"God-dammit!"

The nerd had not anticipated this. Not by a long shot. In the space of a few seconds, his battle plan was shattered to tiny pieces.

"So then, what Pokémon will you use?" Ethan asked the nerd. The nerd gulped nervously and reluctantly threw his Pokeball onto the field. From within, another Pokéball appeared- sorry, I meant a Voltorb appeared.

Ethan laughed at the nerds misfortune. This battle was a no contest and what was more amusing was the fact that the nerd thought he had everything planned out.

Seeing the behemoth, Voltorb did the only thing it was remotely good at that would work in this situation: it blew itself up. The resulting explosion was pitiful. Just like the nerds predicament, really.

* * *

Another piece inspired by something that happened on my Soul Silver. I wanted a Steelix for my in-game team and so I went and caught an Onix. The weird thing was that it wasn't a Pokeball that caught it, or even a Great Ball. What caught Onix in the end was a Lure Ball. The Pokéball designed for catching Pokémon you've caught on your fishing line. Last time I checked, you couldn't find Onix in the ocean...

It got me thinking one day. I'm sure there are people who can recognise every Pokeball just be looking at it. So with that in mind, what would happen if what came out wasn't quite what they were expecting?

This one-shot was my attempt at answering that question. If you was expecting a water-type, but got a Steelix instead then I image you'd be pretty shocked as well.

* * *

**A/N: **Again, I thank you kindly for the positive reviews and for the words of advice as well. If you have any further suggestions then please do not hesitate to tell me. The next one-shot should be up either tomorrow or the day after, depending on how lazy I'm feeling (it is the weekend, after all). Until then. See you later!


	4. Strange Phone Calls

Strange Phone Calls

In the far eastern corner of Johto, Ethan was strolling through the dark, dank, long, apparently confusing cave of questionable difficulty known as Victory Road. He had collected all eight of Johto's gym badges and now all that was left was defeating the Elite Four and Champion. Which he was confident of doing, because he had travelled for a year which automatically made any trainer uber beyond recognition.

But before Ethan could reach the Pokémon League, where the Elite Four and Champion chilled, he had to navigate his way though Victory Road; a big cave that acted as the final test for trainers How? It was widely perceived that if a trainer could not navigate his way through a cave, then he was not worthy to step foot in the Pokémon League building. It was supposed to be a challenge; full of complex puzzles, dangerous Pokémon and other such perils that he and his Pokémon would have to work together in order to get through.

Ethan snorted. As if this place was even remotely challenging! In fact, Ethan was disappointed. There were no puzzles for him to solve, other than pushing the odd boulder out the way. There were no dangerous Pokémon; only rock and ground types like Graveller. They were easily decimated by Ethan's water-type Pokémon and hell, even that little nifty Squirtle-shaped watering can he got way back in Goldenrod City proved to be an effective weapon. Finally, there were no perils; no rock slides, no collapsing chambers, no whirlpools... the most perilous thing that Ethan encountered turned out to be a surprisingly high ledge that he, in his justified complacency, tripped over.

Furthermore, there was no other human being in Victory Road other than himself. He expected loads of trainers to be swarming within, training for the Elite Four and beating the crap out of each other. But nope, they were all outside, frolicking around and saying things like "the Pokémon League is tough!". It was alarming that a ten year old, four foot eight kid could confidently walk into Victory Road and the fully grown adults and more experienced trainers could not.

So having established that the world does, in fact, resolve around him in many aspects, Ethan set about beating up some more helpless rock-type Pokémon in preparation for the Pokémon League. But then, out of the blue...

His PokéGear rang.

Curious as to who could be ringing him, Ethan took the handy gadget out of his pocket and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hey Ethan! It's me, Joey!" was the loud reply on the other end. Ethan winced. His ears were ringing from the loud voice.

"Oh, hey Joey," Ethan said, not sounding at all enthusiastic about having the kid ring him, "What's up?"

"I'm glad you asked!" Joey exclaimed. A look of "oh God" appeared on Ethan's face, "A few minutes ago, I found this Bellsprout so I tried to catch it! Rattata and I were so close but we lost... but then after I healed Rattata, we found the same Bellsprout again! At least I think it was the same... well, yeah, anyway, we tried to catch it but we lost again! I mean, what's with that? Rattata are so much better than Bellsprout and-"

Ethan's eye twitched as the kid just went on and on and on about his Rattata. With thinly veiled annoyance, Ethan uttered one simple line, "Joey, shut up."

"Huh? Why?"

"Because I'm too busy at the moment to hear about your fight against a Bellsprout, no matter how epic it may be," Ethan reasoned, speaking slowly.

"Oh, then I'll call some other time then," that said, Joey hung up.

Ethan sighed. He could not even remember why he had even traded numbers with the kid. All he ever talked about was his Rattata and how he lost all the time. At first, Ethan simply said "bad luck, try harder" but then after the fiftieth time it turned from honest advice to condescending criticism. Joey was incapable of realising that, though.

The diminutive trainer was about to continue his training, but his PokéGear started to ring again. With a grunt of annoyance, Ethan answered the call.

"Hello?"

"Hey Ethan, it's Ralph the fisherman! How are you doing?"

"Not... too bad," Ethan replied, "Yourself?"

He would soon regret asking that.

"I'm brilliant Ethan, thanks for asking!" was the loud response, "My Goldeen and I have just been unstoppable in battle lately, all because of the sheer amount of time and effort I've put into raising it. I think I've spent more time with Goldeen than with my family... which is kind of sad... but anyway-"

"Then maybe you should take a break and spend more time with you family," Ethan cut in, "Before your wife gets the wrong idea..."

"What do you mean?"

"Figure it out yourself," Ethan said before hanging up. He sighed again, this time with more aggravation.

Here he was, trying to train and some random fisherman called him up to tell him about his freaking Goldeen! Ethan didn't care about his Goldeen, or about the fact that Ralph spends more time with his Goldeen than with his own wife. Why did he even have his number in the first place? In hindsight, agreeing to trade number with numerous strangers turned out to be the wrong thing to do. This, he realised, was the true reason why his parents told him to never talk to strangers.

Ethan continued on down the path, looking for more Pokémon to beat on. Of course, the inevitable occurs.

His PokéGear rang again.

This time, he checked who is calling him before he answers.

It was Lyra.

With apprehension, he answers.

"Hi Ethan!"

As it turned out, answering was not the smart thing to do.

"Uh... hey," Ethan said. He took a deep breath, "Listen, is this important? Because I'm really busy at the moment, training for the Pokémon League and all."

"Well, it is kinda important..."

"'Kinda important' doesn't cut it, I'm afraid."

"But-"

"But nothing! I'm busy doing more important things than you and everybody else who has called me in the last ten minutes! Now go away!"

"But my Marill evolved!"

Perhaps this was what the challenge was; the final test was to withstand a barrage of pointless phone calls, whilst trying to maintain your focus on training and navigating your way through.

It wasn't long before Ethan ended up throwing his PokéGear at the closest thing at the time which was Silver, much to his misfortune.

* * *

I'm sure this has all happened to us. We all end up in important parts of the game, like Victory Road and Mt. Silver, but these people keep calling you and telling you extremely pointless things in a one-sided conversation. Truly pointless, and I'm sure that if our little trainers could portray any form of emotion, it would be similar to what Ethan was feeling in this little one-shot.

* * *

**A/N: **I said this one-shot would be up in a day or two. Turns it took more than a week. Apologies for that. Hopefully, it was worth the wait (who am I kidding?). Anyway, I won't be making any promises about the next instalment of TOOP, in case something like this happens again.

Until next time.


	5. Ferris Wheel Dates: Summer

**A/N: **Hey, long time no see. This series may not be too popular, but I was struck with some insperation and decided to continue it after a long hiatus. Enjoy!

* * *

Ferris Wheel Dates: Summer

It was summer time in the far off region of Unova and Hilbert was loathing it. He didn't loath it as much as he did his name – why his mother opted to call him that instead of the initially chosen Blair he didn't know – but he still hated it with a burning passion; as burning as the sun overhead.

He should have expected this, really. He had spent the previous night combing over the Desert Resort for any Pokémon he might have missed on his first visit to the place. Due to deserts being cold during the evening, Hilbert had made sure to wear extra clothing.

Now trudging back to Nimbasa City, Hilbert really was regretting wearing that extra shirt. Now, any normal human being would just shed the extra layers, but, for some reason, there was this mysterious force that prevented Hilbert from doing so.

It was also the same force that prevented him from needing to use the toilet.

Anyway, it was fair to say that Hilbert was in a pretty bad mood. Last night's excursion had been an unsuccessful one and now he was tired, hot, sweaty and had sand in his you-know-whats. All he wanted to do was to get back to the city, have a shower and then sleep. Then he would leave the city and, simultaneously, the god-damn desert that lie next to it. Who's bright idea was it to build a city next to a desert, anyway?

Unfortunately for Hilbert, divine intervention would prevent him from doing what he wants to do.

Upon arrival in Nimbasa City, Hilbert had the sudden urge to ride on the Ferris Wheel. He didn't know why. A shower and a nap sounded infinitely better, but the ride was just there, right in front of him, calling to him...

This heat must have made him delirious.

Hilbert gave in to this strange temptation and walked on over the wheel. Who knows; it might just help him relax after a long night.

As he approached the large attraction, Hilbert noticed that someone was standing in front of the entrance. That someone was a rather portly man, garbed in brown clothes. He didn't seem to be doing anything in particular, as far as the teen could see. He was just standing there, looking around, a smile on his face... as if he was waiting for someone.

That smile grew when the man caught sight of Hilbert approaching. Suddenly, he had a bad feeling about going on the Ferris Wheel.

Well, tough shit Hilbert, you're going on it.

"Why, hello there young man!" the man called out to him in a gruff voice. "Great summer we're having, isn't it? Nice and hot and humid. Just the way I like it!"

For some reason, Hilbert wanted to turn away and haul arse away from the man. But the urge to ride on the Ferris Wheel was too strong for him to do that so he, against his better judgement, responded to the man.

"Uh... yeah, I guess so." Summer sucked, in his humble opinion.

"That's the spirit, laddy!" the man grinned widely. "I think you and I will get along great! So how 'bout you take a ride with me on the Ferris Wheel?"

"Can't you go by yourself?" Hilbert asked. He didn't mean to sound rude or anything. He was actually genuinely curious why this grown man couldn't ride by himself.

"They won't let you on without a partner," the man explained, still grinning like a loon. Hilbert found that fact odd. While Ferris Wheel compartments could hold multiple people, he had never heard of one that required you to have a partner to ride.

Hilbert did not question it, however. Stranger things had happened. Like that time when that man flashed him in an alley way in Castelia City. Yeah, that was just... weird. And disturbing. Possibly the most disturbing thing that had ever happened to him.

He would later find out that more disturbing things were on their way.

"I suppose I'll ride with you," Hilbert said to the man. They would just get on, relax as the wheel went round, and get off. What's the worse that could happen?

"Good lad!" the man boomed. He wrapped an arm around Hilbert's shoulder, much to his discomfort. "Gotta get the best out of a summer like this, right?"

"Right..."

Summer could last tor one day, for all he cared.

"Name's Andy, by the way. Hiker Andy," Andy said proudly.

"Hilbert."

"I think this is the start of a beautiful relationship, Hilbert."

Hilbert edged further way from the man, though the hiker still had his arm draped around his shoulders. This was getting weird very quickly.

The two approached the wheel and the warden let them in the cart, giving the pair an incredulous look. Hilbert looked over to him with a face that clearly said "please help me". The warden, though, just shook his head and smirked. Hilbert glared and made a mental note to sic his Gigalith on the warden later.

They both stepped into the cart and the door shut behind them with an ominous "thud".

The ride had begun.

Fortunately for Hilbert, there were two benches in the cart so he didn't have to sit next to Andy. He had found out that, while he was in close proximity to his body, the hiker had reeked worse than a Garbodor.

There was silence for a couple of minutes as the ride started up. When they were a few feet up in the air, Andy started to talk.

"Tell you what, it's like a sauna in here!" Andy pulled on the collar of his jacket, as if to emphasise his point.

He wasn't wrong. Hilbert, in his two shirts and jacket, was already boiling. The cart, being an enclosed space with hardly any air circulation, was very humid and the sun shining through the windows just made things worse. It was like sitting in a miniature greenhouse, except instead of plants and bugs, there was a fat hiker man sitting in front of him.

Andy wasn't the first hiker Hilbert had met on his travels and, strangely, they all looked the same: they were all fat, grinning men with boisterous voices. You would have thought that a hiker would be quite slim since they, well, hike for a living.

Another strange phenomenon of this world.

The sound of something unzipping brought Hilbert out of his reverie.

"You don't mind me takin' off a few layers, do you, lad?" Andy asked, shedding off his jacket. Hilbert just stared at the man and began to feel a little awkward.

"I don't mind."

"Maybe you should take somethin' as well. You must be hot in that jacket."

"I'm fine. I'm not that hot," Hilbert said quickly. One man taking off clothing was enough.

"You sure you're not hot, boy? You're sweatin'!"

Indeed Hilbert was sweating and not just because of the heat either.

"Really, I'm okay."

"I think you're really hot."

This conversation was rapidly going south.

Eh, wrong choice of words...

"You should take that jacket off," Andy suggested, grin ever present. "Don't want you to overheat now."

Reluctantly, Hilbert removed his jacket. Andy nodded his approval. There was silence between them, as the cart reached its apex.

"You know, it's still really hot in here," Andy said, "Think I'll take off my shirt. Is that okay with you, lad?"

Hilbert wanted to say no. He really did. Yes, it was hot. Yes, removing clothing helps with dealing with the heat. But was it really necessary for this portly fellow to remove his shirt? Sure, they were both males and Hilbert had seen shirtless fat people before. But when said fat person was sweating buckets and a mere two feet away from you, you can understand that he wasn't too enthusiastic about the prospect.

But then, he didn't want to offend Andy, no matter how awkward he was making this ride. "Yeah, that's okay with me."

Hilbert looked away as the hiker removed his shirt. As he was doing so, he spoke, "So tell me lad... ever had a lover?"

Hilbert wanted to scream.

* * *

Black and White are two excellent installments in this franchise for many reasons, but they really did provide some moments that could easily be used for this series.

To say that this scene was odd would be an understatement. The mental imagry it provided, along with the implications of the dialogue, really were disturbing yet hilarious. I should tell you that the dialogue came from the Japanese games and not the localised ones. Not that there's much difference, mind.

This shot wasn't just about the Ferris Wheel date, either. I did sneak a few extra "oddities" in there. See if you can spot them.

Anyway, as you might have guessed from the title this is only part one of the Ferris Wheel dates. I'll be doing one-shots for the other seasons as well, but not immeidately one after the other.

* * *

**A/N: **So there you have it. I hope you enjoyed that. If you did or didn't, I would greatly appreciate feedback and constructive criticism.

Until next time.


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